Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
