you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
