apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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