i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
