eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
