well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
