Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
