Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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