I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
