Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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