So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
