16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
