I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
