Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
