hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
