So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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