I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
