then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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