what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
