Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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