Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
