The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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