I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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