:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
