he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i came on her dog
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
