I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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