But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
