So drunk its hurt
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
