EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
