the day after is always just damage control
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
