I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Shame is for Republicans.
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