I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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