The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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