Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
