Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
