mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
