it was like his penis was on wheels.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
