so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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