There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I currently don't understand fingers.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
