oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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