I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is Oprah even human
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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