In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Boobs are out for the taking
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
