tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
