break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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