I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
