You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
