wat bout pragnant strippers??
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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