her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
