i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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