Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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