Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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