So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize