he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
