I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
