Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
