Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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