This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
