ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
