Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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