we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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