Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
