Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
