I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
