i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
