I think I died a long time ago.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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