As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
