1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
