sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
