I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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