i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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